“Husband” Is a Verb Too
ARTICLE • Husband has its origins in Old English, derived from the Old Norse, “húsbóndi,” which means “cultivator of a house.” The word combines “hús” (house) and “bóndi” (tiller of soil). How might this imagery inform your household?
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The English title husband suggests far more of a male spouse than either mere maleness or spousehood. God’s original design for men in the beginning is aptly (though not exclusively) displayed in the word husband. As a case in point, husband is both a noun and a verb, implying not only a state of being but a particular type of relational action. A husband (n.) who does not husband (v.) is like a yard rake without teeth: it’s a “rake” in name only.
In both etymology and practice, however, a husband is “a cultivator of his household.”
A Christian husband rightly understands his God-given calling to cultivate the spiritual, physical, and emotional good of his wife and children. The first man, Adam, was created and called to “tend and guard” the garden of Eden: Avad (עָבַד) is “to work, serve”; Shamar (שָׁמַר) is “to keep, guard” (Gen 2:15). Therefore, God calls every man to do the same: to shepherd, protect, pastor, teach, train, lead, nurture, develop, foster, strengthen, and cultivate for the flourishing of those of his household.
Husbands in the New Testament
Fascinatingly, the Greek lexeme often translated “husband” in virtually all English New Testaments is ἀνήρ, a generic word that can mean an adult male or husband, depending on the context. In other words, the idea of a husband “cultivating his household” (an concept built into the Anglo moniker) was either already assumed or had to be supplied to the generic ἀνήρ. One need not spend much time reading Scripture’s commands to married ἄνδρες (men) to realize that the English title is helpfully descriptive. Here are some examples of God’s expectations for a married man. He is:
To love his wife as Christ loved the church, giving himself up for her (Eph 5:25)
To not be harsh with her (Col 3:19)
To provide for his family, or he is worse than an unbeliever (1 Tim 5:8)
To live with his wife in an understanding way, showing honor to her (1 Pet 3:7)
To nourish and cherish his wife, just as Christ does the church (Eph 5:29)
To be the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church (Eph 5:23)
If a father, to train up his children in the discipline and instruction of the Lord, without exasperating them (Eph 6:4)
A Married Man Must Be a Husband-Gardener
One of many implications of male husbandry is that a man should not relate to his wife merely as a peer. It’s not that she’s less than his peer, it’s that he’s called to function as more than her peer. It’s a matter of role not worth. Just as he must cultivate his own thoughts, desires, and habits towards godly manhood, so he must shepherd his wife towards whole and holy womanhood, not in controlling or micromanaging ways, but in patient, careful, tender, skilled ways: as a wise husband-gardener.
“In both etymology and practice, a husband is a cultivator of his household.”
The concept of gardening is akin to the “tilling and cultivating” of husbandry. A godly husband-gardener is oriented towards God’s glory and his household’s flourishing. In terms of relating to his wife, he speaks wholesome words that refresh his bride like cool water nourishes the roots of a tender plant. He is attentive to the wilting leaf and makes it his business to learn the cause. He guards the garden of his wife’s mind from the cankerous worms of his own anger, impatience, ingratitude, critical spirit, and intemperance, from the preying birds of fear, comparison, and insecurity, from the weeds of materialism and over-busyness, and from the sewage runoff of Vanity Fair. He ensures she gets the needed sunlight of time with God, time with godly ladies, and time with her attentive husband. He both deeply appreciates her as the handiwork of God (Eph 2:10) and envisions how she can yet more fully align with God’s word (Eph 5:25–27).
Practically speaking, this means the man who sees himself as his wife’s husband-gardener both lives in the moment and transcends the moment. He sees ‘big picture’ and plays the ‘long game’ of nurturing the good and growth of his wife and marriage. He jettisons his bent towards fitful or fearful reactive impulsivity and shepherds calmly and proactively with life-giving vision for his home.
Brothers, let’s pray for the true heart of a husband towards those of our household. ❖
